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Image: BBC

British Television has become somewhat of an icon internationally. The British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) is still to this day, something of a benchmark for the quality of television worldwide as it’s known for its high production values and standards that are upheld through most (although not all) of its content. However to simply assume that the Beeb is the only area of television that Brits are interested in or view is simply not true. Indeed there are hundreds of channels available in Britain on television but there are only five which make up what used to be known as the ‘terrestrial channels’ as these went out to every television in the country with use of an aerial. Today however, these channels are still called this even though Britain is in the midst of a digital switchover, region by region. Because of their legacy and history for being part of the main channels in the country, the channels still dominate the ratings despite competition from digital channels on the spectrum.

Before we begin to explore each of the terrestrial channels, it’s very important to note  that in Britain in order to watch television at all, you need to own a television license which costs £145.50 ($236.31) for a colour license and £49.00 ($79.58) for a black and white license. A television license in the United Kingdom allows one household to watch television through whichever medium they want. This can be through a television itself, the internet or through cable or satellite. However, if the television you choose to use is only being used for media that is pre-recorded, you do not need to possess a television license.

So where does this money go? Well it would be fair to assume that most of the money collected from television licenses goes to the UK Government, but it doesn’t. Almost all of the money goes to the BBC, which they use to produce its content, whether it be television, radio or even online content such as news. Because of this however, the BBC does not use advertising anywhere in its content. Overall, the total of the television licenses in the UK make up 75% of the BBC’s budget, the rest coming from its commercial wing BBC Worldwide, which sells the BBC’s content internationally for profit.

The BBC gets this money because it is the main UK public service broadcaster and because of this, the BBC has a remit to fulfil. This means that the BBC has to be stringent with its budget and show a wide variety of content given its audience in the country to most of the 60 million people who live in the UK. Therefore, the BBC comes under some scrutiny because of this. The license fee has become expensive and it’s argued by some that the BBC’s content is not suitable or up to scratch for the standards that the country now holds.

It is not just the BBC who is a public service broadcaster, however. Channel 4 is also a public service broadcaster and receives a small amount of the license fee in which to make programmes in the United Kingdom, however, this is is not as much as the BBC and therefore Channel 4 runs advertising on its output in order to garner enough revenue to stay afloat. Out of all the terrestrial channels, both of the BBC’s channels are arguably the biggest, due to their revenue streams.

So, what are the terrestrial channels in the UK? They are, as follows (where number denotes channel number on most televisions):

1) BBC One.
2) BBC Two.
3) ITV1.
4) Channel 4 (England, Scotland, Northern Ireland)/ S4C (Wales).
5) Channel 5 (formerly ‘Five’).

1 and 2) BBC One and BBC Two are the two channels in the UK that are run by the BBC. BBC One is more entertainment-based, in that most of its content is delivered to a wider, broader and bigger audience. This is where primetime drama’s are screened, important live sporting events such as Formula 1 racing, Wimbledon and certain football matches are shown (as well as some events that are deemed important enough that they can only be shown on terrestrial television) and news output.

BBC Two on the other hand is a more niche channel, where comedy and drama are shown that may not reach as wide an audience as on its sister channel BBC One. This channel is also used for programmes that may clash with breaking news events on BBC One or live events that require a larger audience.

3) ITV1 (ITV standing for Independent Television) launched in response to television becoming larger in the early 1950′s and for nearly 30 years, it was the UK’s only commercial broadcaster. ITV1 is not a public service broadcaster, so its role in the British television line up is one that tries to cover everything, whether it be live sport, drama, soaps, news and reality television. ITV1 however, includes advertising whereas none of the BBC’s channels, terrestrial or digital, carry advertising. In recent times, in the opinion of some, ITV’s content has become dumbed down due to the lack of comedy, high productions of crime drama’s and a large amount of reality television such as The X Factor, Britain’s Got Talent and I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here!.

4) Channel 4 broadcasts to most of the United Kingdom and is a public service broadcaster, so its output has to be broad and follow the same guidelines as the BBC. Channel 4′s coverage includes drama and comedy, but not as much live sport as ITV or BBC. In Wales however, S4C is broadcast in place of Channel 4. S4C is loosely the same as Channel 4 but is funded in part by the Department of Culture, Media and Sport through grants and advertising. Some of its content is produced by the BBC and is given to S4C free of charge. Because of its financial status and geographical location in Wales, S4C’s content has to be produced, in part, in Welsh.

5) Channel 5 launched in 1997 and became the last terrestrial broadcaster before the advent of digital television. Because of its place on the broadcasting spectrum, thousands missed the launch of the channel because their aerials could not pick up the signal necessary to view the channel. Today, the channel is now owned by media magnate Richard Desmond and most of their content is not made by themselves. Most of their schedule is dedicated to made-for-television films bought in from America as well as Hollywood films on a night.

This article only describes some of what can be read into about British television but it’s safe to assume that most of British television is not supplied solely by the BBC as might be thought internationally.

We’ve had an influx of new viewers to the website this week. If you’ve visited us before, welcome! It’s mostly television reviews around here. This is a list of our most successful posts this week, in case you’re interested.

Image: BBC.

End of Series Review: Sherlock

Sherlock was the most googled thing in the UK last week, which probably shows why this was our most popular post this week. Sherlock, in case you haven’t seen it yet, is a modern adaptation of Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes series. And this one is Jude Law-free!

Review: Roger and Val Have Just Got In

I didn’t like it. Someone called Col did. I re-reviewed it a few days later. But the original post reigned supreme over it’s newer sister.

End of Series Review: The Great Outdoors

The Great Outdoors was…great. I liked it and from the amount of interest from Twitter, you lovely lot must have done, too!

Review: Grandma’s House

Simon Amstell’s acting and writing debut aired for the first time this week on Monday. I enjoyed it, but a commenter named Philip had issue with my review. This one’s worth reading for the massive essays of comments we left each other.

Review: Madness on the Fast Lane

Truly shocking television detailing the events of a day two years ago when two Swedish identical twins attempted suicide on the M6 near Stoke, before one of them was released and then brutally murdered a samaritan who took her in. Chilling but engrossing television.

So there’s the most popular five posts from this week on this very website. I hope you stick around if you’re a newbie. We post every day of the week and as the Guardian always say, ‘Comment is Free’. Good words there, because we don’t charge for freedom of speech here. Leave a comment!

This week was remarkably good for television, with some strong offerings from the BBC and some interesting stuff on Channel 4, too. Here’s the run down of the week that was for television.

Image: BBC

Five Days That Changed Britain – BBC

Albeit a little soon for a documentary on this year’s General Election but still a worthwhile documentry nonetheless. BBC political editor, Nick Robinson interviews a myriad of various politicians and the new Prime Minister David ‘D Camz’ Cameron about the events that unfolded at the beginning of May this year. Whoever edited this programme, must have been a Bloc Party fan, too, because I heard at least 6 songs from Silent Alarm in the background of it, as well.

You’ve got until next Thursday to watch this.

Sherlock – BBC

I’ve already seen and reviewed the debut episode of Sherlock on the BBC this week. So those who have read it and are loyal, loyal readers of this website will already know that I love this programme more than anything else in the world. That might be untrue and slightly sycophantic but who cares? Television this good in this country is a bit few and far between, which is a shame. HBO-worthy in its production, Sherlock is brilliant.

You’ve got until this Sunday to watch this.

Top Gear – BBC

Forget the much-hyped appearence of Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz in the reasonably priced car. Instead, this week forgoed the usual Top Gear challenge and instead focused on James beating the current speed record for a road-legal car, Hammond had a race in the arctic circle in a rally 4×4 car with two professional snowmobilers and best of all, a fantastic mini-documentary on the late great Ayrton Senna who would have turned 50 this week.

You’ve got until this Sunday to watch this.

Mock the Week – BBC

Do you enjoy tired panel show formats that revolve around political satire and current events? You do? Do you also enjoy comedians fight for airtime? That’s good. Do you enjoy seeing them visably pissed off when they can’t get their gag in fast enough? Oh fantastic! Always remember, if you don’t watch this episode, you’ll be able to catch it on Dave by Christmas.

You’ve got until next Thursday to watch this.

Shooting Stars – BBC

Still, after all these years, Shooting Stars is still as funny as it ever was. This week’s episode made me cry with laughter. Here’s a sample gag from this week’s episode, “True or False? When Stephen Fry gets an erection, it’s known as a ‘fry up’”.

You’ve got until next Tuesday to watch this.

The Impressions Show With Culshaw and Stephenson – BBC

A repeat it may be, but even still, it’s worth checking out because it’s incredibly funny and better than Dead Ringers ever was. Only 90% of it is actually funny and there are a few bits which are crap but it’s excellent on the whole.

You’ve got until this Sunday to watch this.

The Great Outdoors – BBC

Proof that you can shove loads of comedy stars in to one programme and it can be funny. Well, this is only applicable if it’s on BBC Four, which it is. And DK from Coming of Age is in it! Mr K Man is very much, in da house.

You’ve got until next Thursday to watch this.

Hammond Meets Moss – BBC

Fascinating interview between Richard Hammond and Formula One legend Stirling Moss, recalling both of their respective accidents and the effect on them. Shit like this makes me utterly #proudofthebbc

You’ve got until next Monday to watch this.

The Men Who Jump Off Buildings – Channel 4

This documentary follows a man who laughs in the face of drugs and drink for recreation and instead jumps of buildings to get his rush. They call it Basejumping and he’s done over 800 of them. It’s a bit boring but still better than everything ITV have done this week.

You’ve got until the end of August-ish to watch this.

Amish: World’s Squarest Teenagers – Channel 4

This was up against Top Gear when it was first shown, so naturally I didn’t watch it. And I still haven’t watched it, but my Dad said it was excellent, so I’m gonna assume that’s a pretty good reference in which to judge watching a television programme.

You’ve got until more or less the end of August-ish to watch this.

ITV

Image: ITV

Now for the Booby Prize.

If absolutely nothing from the above tickles your fancy and you can’t find anything to watch on 4OD which has a shitload of old great content, then you could risk watching something from ITV. Remember, this is optional.

This week’s booby prize is the iTunes Festival coverage from last night on ITV2.

I choose this, because Mark Watson was a guest on it, and I like Mark Watson, but it appeared as if he was a bit overlooked by Mischa Barton who was also a guest. Mark was promoting his book which is either coming out or is already out. Quite what Mischa Barton was promoting, I don’t really know. She seemed rather confused and distant on there, too.

You’ve got until next Thursday to watch what ITV deems ‘television’.

Join us next week for more On Demand roundups.

Today heralds a new section on Revoltingly Beautiful, where we take a peek through the eyes of the Daily Mirror’s ‘celeb columnist’ Polly Hudson, as she teaches us modern history.

Polly Hudson - The Mirror

Image: Daily Mirror

Funny things can happen in politics, can’t they?!

Sometimes it can be a book deal where a former politician blasts their former colleagues. For Neil Kinnock in the 1992 General Election, you can get like OMG too cocky the week before the election, then lose and look like a total loser. Normally politics is all like zzzzzzzzzz but this was actually kinda funny and I feel all happy when I think of it, like. So Sheffield had just built this MASSIVE arena that could hold literally millions of people. And Kinny got flown there in a helicopter which made me think the whole thing was like some tacky awful American tickertape style presidential vomfest.

Then the shadow cabinet were paraded out on stage and announced with their titles like “The NEXT Home Secretary” as if it was some sort of Miley Cyrus concert. Then Kinny took the stage (FINALLY) and looked absolutely histerical, likea Britney fan on acid, slurring “we’re alrighttttt” which sounded more like “rrrrrr rr rrrrrrrr”. Then he got all serious and went “We’d better get some talking done here, some serious talking” and I was watching at home with my JAW ON THE FLOORRRR.

Then a week later Labour totally lost the election and Kinny was depressed and stuff. Then it got MAJOR press coverage in the proceeding weeks cause of what an idiot he looked.

The End.

Next week: The Good Friday Agreement.

(ED: Needless to say, this was not written by Polly Hudson, instead this is a pastiche of her column).

So you’ve chosen to sidestep the dedicated music blogs and other websites to come to our humble abode to read about the 2010 Mercury Prize nominations, then? Thought you would. If you’re a first-time visitor to this website then I must admit, I haven’t heard of most of the nominated bands. I’m not poncey enough to justify wasting my time listening to all the hip and happening music that’s going about these days. Well actually, I don’t know why I’m doing myself down because I keep pretty up to date with music and even I don’t know who the hell some of them are. Huff and puff!

Right, here it goes:

Biffy Clyro – Only Revolutions

I got into Biffy Clyro before everyone seemed to like them, which is depressing because I can list lots of bands that I can say the same for. Wikipedia reliably informs me that Biffy Clyro are a post-punk band (which applies to almost anyone, nowadays) formed in Scotland. Well best of luck to them.

CHANCES OF WINNING – 6/10

Corinne Bailey Rae – The Sea

Corinne Bailey Rae did an album a while back. And then she came back and did another one. Then in between her husband died. But she seems likable and always has a happy face. So for that reason alone (I haven’t heard her album) I quite like her.

CHANCES OF WINNING – 5/10

Dizzee Rascal – Tongue ‘n’ Cheek

Everybody knows Dizzee Rascal. One time serious rapper, now commercially successful man of the streets churning out pop hits like a red-raw arsehole after a curry, there’s something immediately likable about Dizzee. He’s a cheeky chappy and does songs my Mom enjoys. He probably won’t win, because this kind of award tends to go to the oddballs, but why not? It wouldn’t be unfair to give Dizzee the award for this pretty good album

CHANCES OF WINNING – 8/10

Kit Downes Trio – Golden

Be honest. Have you heard of Kit Downes Trio? Nah neither have I.

CHANCES OF WINNING – 1/10

Foals – Total Life Forever

I like Foals. I dislike the NME, as I’ve mentioned on occasion. The main reason that I haven’t listening to Foals much in the past 3 years is because the NME seem insistent on hailing Foals and in particular their lead singer Yannis Philipakis as some sort of Indie hero. He’s not and the band aren’t. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve recently started listening to them again and their new album, for which they are nominated for this award is excellent. I just hate the frivolity in which the NME bandy about the phrase ‘indie superstar’. In my eyes, only hardcore veterans of a genre can be called a superstar. And for this reason, I’m gonna give Foals an 8, because they’re good enough to cause an upset.

CHANCES OF WINNING – 8/10

I Am Kloot – Sky at Night

I keep getting this band mixed up with Greg Davies’ shit comedy show We Are Klang. I’ve never listened to I Am Kloot but I hear promising things.

Fun Fact: The actual sky at night is dark.

CHANCES OF WINNING – 7/10

Laura Marling – I Speak Because I Can

Ol’ Laura Marling seems to have captivated hipster girls aged 15-21 nowadays. I don’t know why. I prefer Ellie Goulding. Then again, Ms Dynamite won the award and if she can win it, so can I.

CHANCES OF WINNING – 6/10

Mumford & Sons – Sigh No More

I’d like Mumford & Sons to win the award but I dunno if they will. They have the potential and I wouldn’t be surprised if they did win, but I just can’t see it happening. Plus I can’t play Little Lion Man in front of my Nan and Grandad because of the word ‘fuck’ in the chorus.

CHANCES OF WINNING – 9/10

Paul Weller – Wake Up The Nation

I’ve never liked Paul Weller. My Mom loves him. I like some of his songs. But I saw him with Adele a few years back and I went off him. Here’s your dark horse.

CHANCES OF WINNING – 8/10

Villagers – Becoming a Jackal

This album doesn’t even have a Wikipedia article. But what the hell, I’ve never heard of them, so I’m gonna give them a 10 just because I can. You wouldn’t see the NME doing that, now would you?

CHANCES OF WINNING – 10/10

Wild Beasts – Two Dancers

Signed to the same record label as the Arctic Monkeys (or Artic Monkeys, if you can’t spell), Wild Beasts will almost certainly not win. Almost.

CHANCES OF WINNING – 5/10

The xx – XX

If you haven’t heard of The xx, then you’ve already heard most of their songs, because the BBC love playing them more than Florence + The Machine. They’ll win. They might not be my favourite, but they’ll win it, easily.

CHANCES OF WINNING – 10/10

Right, now that’s over I hope I’ve given you an insight into this years Mercury Music nominations that doesn’t reek of sycophance. The awards ceremony is usually at the beginning of September and will almost certainly be presented by Lauren Laverne or Jools Holland.

This was written in December 2009.

We’ve all been there. You’re out with chums/companions and the like, and one or more of them are drunk whilst you remain stone sober. They become intoxicated from alcohol and their own egos. You remain well within the equalibrium of daily life but you have to suffer with the incompetence and immaturity of this/these drunk people much like how you’d have to look after a toddler in case it puts its finger in a nearby electrical socket, or decides that riding down a hill with a steep incline in an abandoned shopping trolley is a “fucking boss idea!”. The fact of the matter is, alcohol makes you stupider. This is absolutely true. Next time you happen to be harboured with a drunk person, pay attention to the way their vocabulary becomes more and more stunted, how they lose the ability to form sentences and most importantly, how they forget butter’s primary function is not a lubricant for anal intercourse.

It’s really very simple to tolerate drunk people. Revel in the fact that whilst they’re having the time of their lives whilst you’re the designated driver, by the end of the night you’re the person who’ll go to bed with more brain cells. It may also be of note, my fool-proof 5 step plan to tolerating drunkards.

1) Have a drink yourself.

No seriously. Surely one of the best ways to coearse with your drunken peers is to drink yourself. It can be Coke (if you’re teetotal, straight edge or a woman), spirits (if you’ve not discovered your limits yet, in which case have fun when you inevitably vomit a lung) or Beer (if you’re a cheap pisshead). It really doesn’t matter but the more alcoholic the better! You see, scientists have proven (scientifically) that being drunk yourself minimises the annoyance caused by alcohol-loving funsters.

2) Use earphones.

This is not euphamism, kids. This isn’t your Uncle Jay giving you permission to cause harm or sexually assault an intoxicated comrade. Insert those earphones and set it to Killswitch Engage or some other metal garbage and block out the crazy!

3) Play a game with yourself.

The possibilities are endless! I Spy, Hangman, Drown the Dog, Vocal-Wordsearch, Red-car-blue-car. WARNING: May engage chronic madness.

4) Watch Series 3 of Gavin and Stacey.

The time will seriously fly by.

5) Point out your friends insecurities.

Last but by no means least, if you’re sober or even drunk, there’s nothing more fun than pointing out that your portly friend is a little bit chubby, or that Brenda has a massive nose and you’ve never had the courage to tell her or that you think Barry is a bit of a twat. Trust me, you won’t regret it. WARNING: Drunk people may sometimes react negatively to unprovoked personal critique. Approach with caution.

Well that just about wraps up my short guide on How to Tolerate Drunk People. Just remember, in ten years time, you may end up working for a multi-national company as a junior researcher whilst they piss their life away working in Aldi all week and spending their savings on having a “right fuckin’ laugh” up town. However, remember that no moral highground will equalise having fun drinking with your pals, so give that a think you mug!

to do a street tour of Wolverhampton on here with pictures a while back but because of exams, I didn’t end up doing it. However, I’ve just read this, and it beats anything I’ve ever done ever. Here’s a quote in bold and italics, so you know it’s important.

Image: Charlie Lyne.

“If you enjoyed this tour (and let’s face it: who wouldn’t?) then why not write your own guide to your area?”

I would, but it probably wouldn’t be as good as that, and I wouldn’t want a ‘cheggersgate’ situation on my hands with people throwing accusations around that I’ve copied work that isn’t mine. And Wolverhampton isn’t in South London, so it’s pretty boring. And our Nando’s is only average and doesn’t have a second floor or outdoor seating area with plants. However, it is opposite ‘Britain’s biggest selling local newspaper’ – Express and Star’s headquarters.

Here’s the link again. Read it now!

I wrote this in December 2009.

Image: Nasa.

Throughout history, Scienticians, Theologismists and Philosophisiticianists have clouded our tiny brains with made-up facts that have been concocted over the past 500 to 600 years. Galileo, Michelangelo and Simon Cowell have plagued us with “evidence” that the Earth is round, the planet spins around the sun and that Steve Brookstein is destined for megastardom. In this curt article, I will explain the various lies that have been told about our small little world in a Universe full of Aliens.

1) Earth is a vast and open planet that has a circumference of 24,902 miles (40,076 kilometres).

In other words, those crazy fucking Sciencepeoples have conned us into thinking that our planet is fucking massive. This is not the case. When a signpost says that Birmingham is 13 miles away, for example, it’s more like half a mile. The mapmakers (cartographers) are in on it. Roads tend to wind around a lot to give the illusion of distance. And the mapmakers basically make up what an area looks like from above. Google are the biggest consters in this business and make millions a year from selling their “accurate” maps to unsuspecting companies and the like. Airplanes don’t fly thousands of miles to their destinations. They just taxi in the air for a while and then decide to land when they decide it’s been long enough to seem like you’ve flown from Heathrow to JFK. Just keep in mind, Britain is 10 miles away from the USA and the Atlantic is more like a pond than you’d imagine. Hence the term “across the pond” which was coined long before the scientificians got their slimey hands on our maps.

2) Russell Brand is a former sex addict.

This is complete bollocks. Before he found fame on Big Brother’s Big Mouth, Brand was head of the Illuminati, a secret society who established themselves in the early 1400′s to bring down Al Qaeda. Brand grew up in Grays, Essex with his two parents Mildred and Gordon who were members of the Illuminati themselves until retirement when Russell was at the tender age of 8. It was decided internally after 9/11 that the only person fit to run the Illuminati in times of turmoil was Russell Brand himself. Up until that point, Russell was a recluse and found solice in watching repeats of Fawlty Towers after suffering from intense bullying whilst at school during his teenage years. In December 2001, Russell Brand was appointed head of the Illuminati and it was decided that over the course of the next 8 years, various stories would be invented by the organisation in order to keep attention away from Brand being head of the worlds second biggest organisation (after the Scouts). Sex Addict was one of the stories that was used, as well as the “Sachsgate” scandal that rocked the press in late-October 2008, which was an invention of Brand himself alone as an homage to his bleak days in his late-teens. Jonathan Ross became involved in the scandal as he himself is a high-level-leader within the Illuminati. This has never been revealed until now.

3) The air we breathe is 78% Nitrogen and only 20.95% Oxygen, amongst other gases and water vapour.

Another lie told by the science-facists in order for us to believe as a race that we need more Oxygen. After initial figures on the levels of Nitrogen, Oxygen and other gases were released in 2002, the World was shocked that the air we rely on so much had been contaminated with so much Nitrogen. In actual fact, the human body relies on Nitrogen to be able to produce feces (shit/poo), but a shortlived Daily Mail campaign to bring the energy companies to prosecution for polluting the Earth brought about a common misconception that Nitrogen is bad. However, after this campaign, sales of Oxygen masks went up by 2300%.

4) The Earth spins on it’s axis and tilts every 6 months, hence the change of seasons.

Again, Mr Science has lied to use once again. Winter is caused by refridgerator companies slowly chilling the one half of the earth so that the public buy more plane tickets to hotter climates (which relates to the first misconception) and vice versa. Summer is caused by happiness that Winter is over. So effectively, the refridgerator companies run how the Earth operates.

5) The leader of the BNP is Nick Griffin.

This is wrong. It is actually the corpses of Adolf Hitler and Walt Disney.

Well that just about wraps up our roundups of the common misconceptions about Earth. We hope you enjoyed it.

Misfits is currently being repeated on Channel 4 at 10pm.

Misfits - Copyright Channel 4

I’ve already seen Misfits. It was on E4 last November and December. Quite obviously aimed at teens and ‘young adults’, Misfits manages to encapsulate what was brilliant about the first generation of Skins, without being a gratutitously drug-inspired teen drama, like Skins’ second generation was.

Misfits follows the lives of four teenagers on a community service sentence and how their lives change when they are struck by lightning. Soon, the foursome develop superpowers and we also learn about how they ended up in community service. What strikes me about Misfits is how emotionally real the characters seem compared to other youth dramas such as Skins, Waterloo Road or Hollyoaks. There’s something believable about them, which is what has lacked from Skins in the previous two series. The characters aren’t immediately likeable and some, most notably Nathan, are down right hateful. But the way the series progresses and how they deal with their new powers and the murder of their probation officer engross the audience much better than Skins ever did. I hasten to draw comparisons to Skins as it’s fairly clear that they are both very different television shows but then part of me thinks that if E4 are prepared to invest so heavily in to this demographic, making two shows with similar audiences at a similar timepoint, then it’s fair game for me to draw a comparison.

Skins was utterly frivolous in its narrative. Usage of drink and drugs were rife and although Misfits also doesn’t exactly give an accurate representation of teen life, the series isn’t based around a gritty portrayal of the lives of a group of teenagers like Skins is.

What Misfits manages well is its genre. A superhero series featuring ‘chavvy’ youngsters is a bold thing to commission from E4, whether they’re investing in projects like these or not. Instead of being farfetched and unbelievable, Misfits seems to show not just the powers they harbor but the effects that they bring in a way that only a British drama can achieve. It would be all too easy to bring across a glossy multiple superhero drama to the viewing public that draws comparisons to Smallville or Heroes but instead Misfits hold its own and proves itself worthy of the BAFTA it was awarded earlier this year. It really is that good and having watched the whole first series again over the past few days, it doesn’t look to be a one-trick pony like Skins was. If you have the chance, you should really give it a go, because it makes Skins look shit. It even makes the first generation look silly. Just think, instead of a pouting Effy (who really saw the appeal in her, really?) you’ve got Nathan. And I know what I’d rather have.

You can watch the whole first series of Misfits on 4OD here, or if that’s not your thing, catch it at 10pm on Saturday’s on Channel 4.

NOTE: Here’s a silly little piece I wrote in January 2010.

Image: Marcos Brindicci/Reuters

Football is a strange game that involves a ball, a field, some halfwitted muscular men and occasionally, gender-confused women. The object of the game is to get your “ball” (although certain groups tend to refer to this as a ‘sphere’) in the other persons net as many times as humanly possible before the final “whistle”. Evidently, the inventor of football obviously created the game as a massive euphamism. Football was invented in 1965 by Cliff Richard when he was in his heyday. At the time, Cliff favoured England more than any other nation as this was his birth place and sure enough, in the 1966 World Cup Final, England won against West Germany in a thrilling 9-8 victory to England. In 1969 however, Richard sold his controlling 107% share in Football to the Brazillians who consequently won the trophy in 1970. Not long after Richard had sold his rights in the game, he became a born-again Christian after a string of messy sex scandals and rumours that he was a hermaphrodite.

Arguably the greatest moment in English footballing history was in 2001 when lowly Croydon won against top-flight Barnstaple in the FA Cup (which at the time stood for ‘Fucking Amazing’) with a 14-11 victory at the McDonald’s Pound-Saver Menu Stadium. Other highlights include the shocking loss that Padstow Rovers suffered against local rivals Bodmin Bastards in a thrilling penalty shoot-out that lasted over 6 hours and finished at 3:17am with a score of 173-174 (finishing up 0-0 AET).

Here’s a 3-step guide to Football, written with you in mind!

1) The Offside Rule

The Football Bosses (or the FB, for short) employ linesmen (commonly referred to as ‘wankers’) with ARSE, or Arm Raising SyndromE, so that once every 2 minutes, they raise their flag and offside is called. Then the players moan and groan and then continue with the game of football.

2) All-Seater Stadiums

These are here for your safety. However the more eager fans amongst you may see them as an opportunity to cause trouble and may wish to throw them or hit someone about the head with them. This shouldn’t happen, but does almost every week.

3) Hostility Towards Women

If you’re female it may be worthwhile noting that football terraces are almost exclusive to men and as a result you may be hit in the face. Always carry mace.

Keep these three things in mind and you’ll never go wrong when confronted with a tricky question on football.

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